Everyone has different strengths, interests, needs and challenges. Just like with any other friend, colleague or acquaintance, learning these are the first step to positive relationships and communication.
Autistic people bring new perspectives and ideas, enriching our communities and workplaces with gifts inspired by seeing the world differently. 1 in 36 American children now diagnosed with some form of autism. if you think you don’t know anyone with autism, you might be wrong. Being part of the wider community and developing relationships benefits everyone.
We offer these tips and insights to achieve positive relationships and community, understanding more about what being on the autism spectrum means. Depending on the age and ability of the individual you may adapt different communication strategies and accommodations. These techniques are good to use with anyone, regardless of whether they are neurotypical or have ASD. Be respectful, ask what the person prefers, likes and needs.
Ways to Build Relationships and Rapport
- Be patient while having a conversation, giving the person time to answer.
- Always strive to be encouraging and compassionate.
- Learn about their favorite interests, games or hobbies and try to find common ones.
- Be aware of the tendency by autistic people to speak at length about their favorite topics which may require some gentle prompting or redirection.
- Sustaining conversation can also be challenging. You can support them by offering choices, suggesting topics or bridging the conversation to a topic you know they can discuss.
- Offer concise directions or clear choices. For example, “Would you like to take a walk or ride our bikes?
- Provide specific praise such as “I liked the way you waited for me before leaving the room” instead of a vague “good job” so they understand what behavior you are seeking from them.
- To make your own communication clearer, share with the individual what you want them to do rather than what you don’t want them to do (i.e. Instead of saying “don’t run,’ it’s better to say “please walk in the hall.”)
- Don’t be offended by lack of eye contact, motor tics or a lack of understanding personal boundaries. These are common challenges for an autistic person.
- Understand that autistic people like routines and schedules.
- Autistic people tend to think literally, so it is best to avoid idioms and slang.
Pointers to help autistic people if they get off topic or spend too much time on a topic:
- Gentle nudge or prompt to get back on topic such as, “What were we talking about again?” Or redirect them by bringing up the topic you were originally discussing like, “Where should we go for lunch? It sounds like you love Chinese food, how about XYZ place at 11:45 am?” (ideally somewhere not too loud or at crowded time)
- “So to summarize, our next steps are XYZ, your part will be this and it will be due by x date. Does that seem to cover what we discussed?”
- In a kind yet concrete way, say, “I hear you really like talking about dinosaurs, but I am not really interested in that and don’t want to talk about it anymore, can we talk about something we are both interested in?” Then suggest something that you have in common or could such as favorite movies or food.
Boundary Issues
Social communication can be challenging for autistic people. They may have different perceptions of spheres of social norms for different types of people. For example, understanding that a teacher or supervisor is not equated with a social friend. Or the difference between a friend and a friendly acquaintance. They may not realize the appropriate amount of personal space to give people. Autistic people tend to be more literal so it’s helpful to offer them gentle but direct guidance in a kind voice.
If you need to help someone with boundary issues:
- If they seem to stand too close to you, be kind but gently direct. For example, you could say “Could you please stand about this far apart from me when we’re talking? Thanks so much.” (You can raise your arm a little to give an idea of how far apart you mean.)
- If the person touches your hair, hugs you inappropriately or similar physical interaction, you can start by moving away out of reach. If it is persistent or bothersome, ask the person to stop. You could also distract them by redirecting them to move their attention to something else like an activity. You can also model the physical distance and appropriate place for your own hands at your sides, in your pocket, arms folded and the like.
- If the person shares personal information you’re not comfortable with because you’re not a friend or that close to them, try to change the subject to something more appropriate. If that doesn’t work, you can gently tell them that topic is a little too personal.
Communication Style
Provide options for how the person prefers to communicate, whether texting on phone, emailing or face to face conversation. Don’t assume everyone wants to communicate in the exact same way. Making the purpose or reason for the communication clear (i.e. in college is it social or class project) helps the autistic person prepare and sets expectations.
Autistic people do well with clarity and structure. However it doesn’t need to be formal. An agenda is not necessary, just sharing the topic like, we’re going to meet to plan logistics for a specific event.
Be aware that some people have more limited abilities or preferences with communication modes so may need to use nonverbal approaches whether picture schedules, tablets, gesturing or picture exchange systems.
Managing Sensory Issues
Autistic people may have sensory challenges with touch, sound, light, smell or taste more intensely than neurotypical people. You can be helpful and sensitive to them by thinking about loud sounds, bright lights, strong smells and food issues that might be most difficult for your autistic friend or colleague.
For meetings or business interactions, think about how to be considerate to their needs. For example, avoid restaurants or meeting locations that have intense sensory experiences. Minimize distractions by choosing a quiet, uncluttered location which as a side benefit may help your team focus better. You could look at it as providing soothing, peaceful and zen/meditation-like versus the gamified colorful bright vibrant places.
When overstimulated, an autistic person may use different self-soothing strategies, including leaving the room or area to avoid a meltdown or shutdown. Or they may just have a difficult time focusing and doing their best.
Consider having sensory friendly meeting areas or classrooms, for example with dimmed lights, comfy chairs, limited distractions in the room, neutral colors.
Original Source: https://www.milestones.org/get-started/for-community-at-large/interacting-with-autistic-people